26/07: Annoying Video And Audio Marketing

Today seems like as good a time as any for a mini rant, and I've been mulling over the subject of video on the web for some time. In short, I hate it. I hate it for a few reasons, some of which are rational and others completely irrational. So, where to begin? Perhaps a little scene setting would be beneficial. 

I'm very lucky to be able to say that I don't have a regular J.O.B. and this means that I sit at home and do my work online. I'm also very lucky to spend my days on a beautiful island in the Caribbean, and on a bright, sunny day, with a tropical breeze wafting through the window, I like to play selections from my huge catalog of digital music through the speakers on my PC as I work. What I really don't need is a sudden burst of sound from some thoughtless cretin who decides to embed an auto playing streaming video or audio file into a web page. I hate the intrusion so much and think it demonstrates a total lack of common courtesy on behalf of the idiot who put it out there. The sad fact is that a lot of the people responsible for this ill mannered and thoughtless approach are so called "marketers". It's dumb, it doesn't work, it puts people's noses out of joint and it will not work towards getting your message over.

Now, let's say you have been convinced by all the pundits that video advertising is the wave of the future. Maybe they're right, I mean, millions of people seem to love watching video online as evidenced by the likes of YouTube. I freely admit to watching online video myself, when I choose to. If you force video or audio into my little space, I will leave your site quicker than a very quick thing, and, believe me I'm far from being the only one.

So (insert tongue firmly in cheek now), here is a list of guidelines and thoughts for wannabe video moguls:-

1) If you really must use video/audio to spread your marketing message give your audience control. Let them decide to watch or listen to your message by clicking on an appropriate button. (To the moron with the embedded, auto loading, appalling quality video with no means of stopping/pausing/rewinding or any other user controls that I stumbled across today - go and do something else, you will never make a dime online with what you were pushing - you tool!) 

2) Just because something can be done, doesn't necessarily mean it should be done (flares are a prime example and the mistake was still made twice. I'm sure you can think of many others, both trivial and serious). Think about whether you really need to use video before doing it.

3) Just because experts tell you that your online audience have the attention span of a gnat, doesn't necessarily make it so. If you hang around on MySpace with your pre-pubescent school friends, this may be true but if your audience were born before 1990 you might want to consider that stereotype a little more carefully.

4) Remember how annoyed people got over pop-ups? Trust me, they pale into insignificance.

5) If you just can't resist temptation, think about what all that audio-visual glory will say about you. It's not just your overt sales pitch that will have an effect on people particularly if you are an amateur......which leads us into......

6) Humans are often irrational creatures. If you've never heard the saying, "You've got the looks to work in radio alright", think about it. Whilst there are limits to what we can do about our physical appearance, we do have a say in grooming and wardrobe choice. On the evidence of some of the videos I've been rudely selected to watch some folks just haven't quite picked up on that fact yet. This leads me to.....

7) More about our irrationality. This human trait frequently leads us to break the rule of "never judging a book by its cover". If you look poor and ugly then you will be perceived as such on your "sales video". Most people are fickle and don't want to be poor and ugly, ergo they will take no notice of you whatsoever. (This is unfortunate, sad and a poor reflection on us, but it's more often true than not).

8) If you are not trained/experienced in video presentation, you will likely come across very poorly in one or some of the following ways:

a). Inarticulate, hesitant, and uncomfortable with speaking.

b) Oily and overly smooth, &/or smugly overconfident (this makes people dislike you probably more than being poor and ugly)

c) The cringe worthy excessively friendly  approach (similar to (b) but just as nauseating to complete strangers, who will either laugh and consider you pitiful and a phony or, in extreme cases, want to take a bat to your face

d) talking as if you swallowed a sales seminar manual and blatantly trying to demonstrate your understanding of human psychology you picked up from a self help e-book

e) Bragging about how much money you've got/earned/conned out of people, and 

f) obviously lying based on your appearance/motive/incompetence. And so to demographics......

9) Things that make people want to barf.

a)Playing the 'hard luck/rags to riches/single mom/recovering alcoholic/damaged persona/general whining' card to elicit belief/sympathy or both.

b) Using the, "look at me I'm one of the really business and tech savvy, web cam owning "coffin dodgers" (usually pushing some no hope scheme or program). So what? Being elderly does not preclude anybody from using the internet, you really aren't special for that reason alone. Grow up....oh excuse me you've had plenty of time for that and evidently failed.

c) playing the veiled insult card - "I used to be just like you, but now look, I'm so much better (variations on the patronizing theme of "I was in your shoes once" "I've been there too" The catch all which assumes everyone wants to be like YOU. Usually, they don't. 

d) The opposite end of the spectrum to (b) trying to convince everyone that you are "like, OMG," a child prodigy of some kind (most adult's reactions - get back in your pram you precocious little ****).

10). Soundtracks - not everyone agrees with your unwavering belief in your preferred genre of music. I may not be young enough to know everything but this one is a fact. Leave it out of your marketing videos and off of your web page. Believe it or not, your musical taste will immediately elicit an opinion on your personality, justified or not. Music is a no-no and adds nothing to your sales pitch unless you're advertising the music itself.

I don't see why I should spread the plague any more than I've already done by writing this post but there are a couple of rather more serious resources for those who still can't resist the idea of five minutes of video marketing fame. Have a look at Video and Audio In Web Marketing over at Taming The Beast.net which at least offers some practical tips whilst injecting some common sense too. If you want to see how to do things properly there is a good example of the use of video in websites on one of my recent review of hosting and marketing company Site Build It!

Now all I have to do is sit and wait for the backlash that will doubtless be my due after all that stereotyping and generalisation :-)

TCH